Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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