i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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