so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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