Are we in a gay sports bar?
"it" just moved
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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