please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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