C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
