seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The uberlube is also flammable
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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