So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
