my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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