guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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