My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
