i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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