The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
