I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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