so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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