I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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