he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
