chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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