i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
