'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
