I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Still dying that you shit outside
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize