I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
