I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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