Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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