She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize