she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
