I can tuck mytits in my pants
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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