I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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