i permit you to call me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
