im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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