I've blown a few things in my day
i came on her dog
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize