you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
