bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize