now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
