when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
