Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
