I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
