dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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