Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
