Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
