1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
