i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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