Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
