therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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