Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
