well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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