its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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