we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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