You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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