Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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