Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
