So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
