yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we're so committed to being not committed
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
