What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
