Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
