Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
