Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
