I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
