i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
