When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
