The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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