It's just like the Real World with babies
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
