guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
