Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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