But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
