I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
