I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
