I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
