Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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