bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
