I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
