Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
420 ftw
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
