i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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