He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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