just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
