Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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