I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
