You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
