I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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