So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize