You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
