wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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