CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize