why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
