Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
