I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
