The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
